tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8839412.post85161946797025460..comments2024-03-19T07:48:54.021-06:00Comments on Gus Van Horn: I'm Happy for YouGus Van Hornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05126749051688217781noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8839412.post-54146148233864411082017-03-29T14:14:24.694-06:002017-03-29T14:14:24.694-06:00Also good points.
One thing I think happens too ...Also good points. <br /><br />One thing I think happens too much is that people don't always calibrate praise to the level of ability or experience of the child. It is especially important for parents, who know our kids best, to take these things into account.Gus Van Hornhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05126749051688217781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8839412.post-80686581506028843822017-03-29T08:37:17.836-06:002017-03-29T08:37:17.836-06:00You are correct that mindlessly praising everythin...<br />You are correct that mindlessly praising everything is counterproductive. Heck it doesn't even work with a dog. <br /><br /><br />Also, regarding using praise to teach, I find it is effective to specify precisely what aspects (of the job they did) you are praising and potentially other aspects which may not have been done so well. This adds a learning component. We can learn a lot from both our successes and failures, and especially by the comparison between them.<br /><br /> Steve Dnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8839412.post-87993991291343674302017-03-23T14:03:35.487-06:002017-03-23T14:03:35.487-06:00Steve,
You have a good point regarding "prou...Steve,<br /><br />You have a good point regarding "proud of you" in that you can claim credit for your role in helping the child reach an accomplishment. So there's an argument to throw a "proud of you" in here and there when it's clear there's a team effort.<br /><br />It becomes meaningless when it's used too often, or thoughtlessly, or both. In practice, I like to use a variety of phrases, and, more importantly, not mindlessly praise every single thing they do, which is what I really have issue with (as far as "good job" goes). I want my kids to know I recognize their achievements. They probably don't need me to tell them that they did well, but they are proud and want to share their happiness when they do something new. <br /><br />Another forum re-posts from here, and I happened to see someone suggest using, "You should be proud of yourself," there. I like that, too.<br /><br />GusGus Van Hornhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05126749051688217781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8839412.post-10906165623969305212017-03-23T12:49:03.947-06:002017-03-23T12:49:03.947-06:00‘You know he or she isn't yours to be proud of...‘You know he or she isn't yours to be proud of.’<br /><br />However, you have no relationship with a famous athlete, while you have a strong relationship with your child. Therefore, it is not a great analogy. Moreover, while you may not own the child you do own the title of parent and have invested a great deal of time, energy and thought into bringing him up. Perhaps that pride in the child’s accomplishment is merely a manifestation of the pride in your job of raising her?<br /><br />(In the same way, pride in a spouse’s accomplishment may be a manifestation of pride in your job of choosing them)<br /><br />‘Good job’ is a cliché because people use it too often, and inappropriately. Replace it with something like “I’m happy for you,’ and it will only be a matter of time until that sentence becomes meaningless as well. Steve Dnoreply@blogger.com