Quick Roundup 90

Murphy's Other Laws

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
• Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
• The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
• Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
• The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
• When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

HT: Mom

It's August 22, ...

... which is a big day on the Shiite calendar. Many half-expect some spectacular act of barbarism today based on the fact that we have still not turned Iran to glass yet. If we had a halfway rational foreign policy, we'd specifically time our heaviest assaults on the Islamic world with their holidays and aim for mosques until they decided it would be OK to leave us the hell alone. Or became extinct, whichever happened first.

Instead, we're sitting on our hands and wondering what Iran is up to.

This year, August 22 marks the holy day on the Islamic calendar that is the day of reckoning for Shiites. Some Shiite sects believe that August 22 could correspond to the end of the world. And just today, after much hype, Iran has announced that it will continue to develop its nuclear program. To followers of Iranian President Ahmadinejad, this is a well-timed affront to Israel, the United States and the world. The United Nations had given Iran until the end of the month to respond, but Ahmadinejad had made it clear to all Iranians and the world that he intended to respond on the eve of August 22.

Some have asked whether upcoming possible North Korean nuclear testing could be conducted for this occasion, while Robert Spencer asks: "An odd story from AP, with thanks to Ana. Is Iran looking for a little practice in firing upon and occupying enemy ships? Is the Thug-In-Chief Ahmadinejad planning to throw us all a curve today and declare war on ... Romania?"

In the meantime, I don't know whether the Twelfth Imam is supposed to be a pedophile like the "prophet" Mohammed, but if he is, I do believe a prominent one has "arrived".

Passing as Shiite

And speaking of Shiite, this story from Iran shows how foolishly yielding to Moslem demands -- including even joining the religion -- will not spare you from death threats..

Here is a partial list of the idiotic things Sunni Moslems are having to do in Iran to avoid being killed by death squads.

• Memorise the names of the 12 imams
• Learn to pray in the Shia way and carry turba [Shia holy clay] in your pocket.
• Keep a turba in your house where it can be seen, and put up if necessary a black or a green banner on the roof
• Keep a poster in your house of Imam Hussein. You can buy them in Mutanabbi Street in Baghdad
• Keep a copy of the Sajadi newspaper [a Shia paper that has Shia prayers] and read some of the prayers, some of them are touchingly beautiful
• Keep a latmiya [Shia song] on your mobile phone
• Learn how to curse Yazid and Mu'awiya and Bani Umayya [early Sunni caliphs hated by the Shias] and in the way the Shias do
• Wear or keep black clothes in your house ...

The more I learn about Islam the more ridiculous I realize it is. Think about it. If you don't carry the right dirt around in your pocket, leave the right newspapers lying around in your house, have the right inane cell phone ring tone, or wear the right "gang colors", you could be killed. How fucking ridiculous.

Not that I advocate wasting any time trying to please these superstitious goons, but even if I did: There is no such thing as being "sensitive enough" or "obedient enough"! They'll just cook up some other lame excuse to kill you.

The sooner most of us recognize that fact, the better. This religion deserves no consideration and no quarter.

The Small Universe of the Pinheads

Dumpster diving finally made the Houston Chronicle this weekend. Amusingly to me, two subjects I blogged about before, the Sojourners and freegans, converged in the following quote.

"I'm trying to limit my participation in some of the corporate farming practices that are terrible for the environment and aren't healthy," said Ryan Beiler, citing pesticides, animal cruelty and pollution. "I'm struck by the absurdity of how the American economy works."

Beiler, Web editor for Sojourners magazine, estimated that 95 percent of the food he eats comes from his every-other-week Dumpster runs.

He's not the only one struck by the "absurdity of how the American economy works".

Only in America can creatures like Beiler survive for long enough to provide those of us who work for a living with entertainment.

Call me Neo.

I've come across another super hero quiz.

You scored as Neo, the "One". Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn't want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix. Neo, the "One" 83% Batman, the Dark Knight 79% The Amazing Spider-Man 67% Maximus 63% James Bond, Agent 007 58% Lara Croft 54% Captain Jack Sparrow 46% Indiana Jones 42% William Wallace 33% The Terminator 21% El Zorro 21% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

(HT: Maximus)

Blogging Fatigues

I was wondering where Martin went off to. Among other things, he says, "Maybe I should follow Laurence Simon's dress code."

It seems to work for me! (After I remove the black trenchcoat, of course.)

Back in the Saddle

Daniel Rigby is blogging regularly again.

-- CAV