Amazon's Bum Wrap

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Michelle Malkin complained today about the gift-wrapping job performed for her daughter by the workers -- obviously men -- at Amazon. She should have read Dave Barry's Biblical exegesis on Christmas wrapping. If she did, she would immediately realize that her daughter did better in the "wrapping department" than Jesus Christ himself! I quote:

This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men - Gaspar, Balthasar and Herb - went to see the baby Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so....

[T]he very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1. They were wise.

2. They were men.

I was pleased recently to see that Mr. Barry has continued his very important work on the theology of gift-giving this year.

We know from the Bible that the Wise Men showed up in Bethlehem and gave the baby Jesus gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Now, gold is always a nice gift, but frankincense and myrrh -- at least according to my dictionary -- are gum resins. Who gives gum resins to a baby?

The answer is: men. The Wise Men, being men, didn't even START shopping for gifts until the last minute, when most of the stores in the greater Bethlehem area were closed for Christmas Eve. The only place still open was Big Stu's House of Myrrh.

Hmm. I'm sure her distaste for the "wrapping" job will lead her to remove the burlap sack and re-wrap the gift. But will she make sure that Amazon didn't do a similarly stellar job in packing the correct item? Let's hope so! After all, Barry's passage about male gift-giving, coupled with the truism that men can't follow directions makes the proposition of what's actually inside the box rather iffy!

Here's hoping that Michelle Malkin's daughter doesn't end up with a big box of gum resin for Christmas!

-- CAV

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