Mission Accomplished

Ugh! Christmas shopping is really nice to have under my belt. My wife asked me for a new purse this year. That's a good move, because I somehow have excellent taste in purses. She's always likes what I pick out, and (This is very important!) her mother always approves. In fact, last year's selection was something of a triumph in that my mother-in-law asked me where I got it so she could get one like it!

But just because I know how to pick out a purse does not mean that it's easy. My wife wanted something with shoulder-length straps. Those seem to be out of fashion this year, at least judging from the selections available in the dozen or so stores I checked. And man! To look at what was out there, one would surmise, probably correctly, that the entire fashion industry caters to the level of aesthetic sophistication of a thirteen-year-old. Every display was littered with huge, metallic monstrosities. (The one at the second link is not the worst I saw.) A nice, black leather purse that satisfied my wife's criteria was so difficult to find that I felt like I was settling just a little bit when I made this year's selection.

Another gift that one would think would have taken about a half-hour to buy was similarly difficult to find, but I can't elaborate in case she happens to stop by for a read. Suffice it to say that after spending the first three hours of the day on two gifts, the rest went more or less smoothly, although I did nave to make a couple of extra stops today after my tote-bag-burned hands raised the white flag around 3:00 yesterday afternoon.

One of today's trips was for my two-year-old nephew. Originally, I thought I might get him a build-a-bear outfitted with a soccer uniform, but as far as I could tell, the whole process would have taken at least an hour and a half and was really geared for the kids themselves, and all that for a finished product that, frankly, would not be that different from something I could have bought elsewhere. (And to top that off, the firm apparently collaborates with the left-wing World Wildlife Federation. Just found that out!) So I skipped that and, today, I got him something else -- that I remember fondly from my childhood -- building blocks. And a "little people" playing set.

A few other Christmas Frenzy '05 memories.... Three big burly guys showed up wearing antlers and red noses to do their shopping. That made me laugh. Thanks, guys! A live band played some music in the mall which was a pleasant break from the usual. I liked what I heard enough to buy a couple of their CD's. If I like them enough, I'll perhaps review them here and send a couple Adrian Hester's way.

Finally, I was very peeved after today's trip to IKEA. I went there alone, forgetting that they force you to load your wares at the front of the store by erecting barriers that allow people, but not carts, to pass. So I had a couple of boxes on my cart and took the sidewalk along the front of the building for awhile since I wasn't parked directly in front of the exit. And then I noticed that I couldn't enter the parking lot from that side of the building. So I turned around and started looking for an exit. I gradually realized that the entire front of the building was fenced off to prevent cart egress. There was nobody around to help that I could tell.

I was almost annoyed enough to return my purchase until I realized I could very easily get the help I needed. I unloaded my cart. "Let's see how worried about their silly carts this outfit is." I hoisted my cart over the barrier and reloaded it. If I got "caught", I'd ask whoever it was to watch my things while I got my car. Otherwise, I'd load my car and return the cart.

IKEA carts must get sold for crack at an alarming rate, 'cause I was no more than two feet away when a guy wearing a bright yellow vest marked "CARTS" materialized out of nowhere to foil my daring heist. So I pinned him down to my boxes while I got the car. On my return, he was helping someone else load her car.

"But Gus, everybody knows that's how they do things at IKEA," I can almost hear someone say. Well, I didn't. Maybe the Christmas rush stretched the CARTS corps thin, but why should I, a paying customer, have to stand around wondering how I'm going to safeguard my purchase long enough to get my car? And if IKEA is so worried about the theft of their carts (I didn't buy the line about "trying not to get cars dinged" that the CARTS guy fed me".), why not allow customers to take them into the lot, but install electronic wheels that lock beyond a certain point, like Wal-Mart does? Or if car damage really is an issue, or man-hours spent retrieving carts is significant, have customers deposit five bucks for a cart that they can return to a parking lot location for redemption?

I'm no lawyer, but only one other reason for this silly practice occurs to me: Liability under our nation's absurd tort laws for careless customers who injure themselves while loading their vehicles on the lot. But the chaotic scene at the loading area -- picture a traffic jam with people frantically loading the cars that aren't trying to escape -- belies that concern.

What gives, IKEA? You need to worry a lot less about your CARTS and a little more about your CUSTOMERS.

-- CAV

Updates

12-19-05: Fixed some typos.