Cartoon Controversy Reaches Iraq

Thursday, February 23, 2006

By the Appeasement Press

Sectarian violence threatened to spiral out of control in Iraq after Wednesday's bombing of one of the holiest Shiite shrines there.

Built by Caliph al-Mutasim in 836, the mosque was topped by a golden dome, known to Sunnis as "The Turban" in 1905 under Mazaffar al-Din Shah, whom the rival sect sometimes refer to as "The Dane".

Many Sunnis considered the structure offensive to Islam because it resembled a mythical unflattering caricature of Mohammed, with windows beneath the "turban" as "eyes" and minarets shaped, deliberately, to resemble the ears of an ass.

The bombing Wednesday was referred to as a "first resort" step towards rectifying the situation. One source close to "Operation Restore Dignity and Peace" said that the resemblance between the mosque and the imaginary caricature was so obvious that, "Even speaking to these sons of jackals was out of the question."

Shiite reaction to the bombing, deadly violence, was predictable, but many Westerners were surprised by its motivation. "It seems," says Spencer Q. McGillycuddy, Chair of Islamic Studies at Willoughby University, "that the Shiites, too, have their own mythical unflattering caricature of Mohammed, and that after the bombing, their mosque now resembles that caricature."

According to McGillycuddy, the mythical caricature of the Shiites resembles none other than the character Eric Cartman of the popular American comedy Series, South Park, looking over a berm during a snowball fight.

"Just look at that 'after' shot -- and then look at Cartman," said McGillycuddy. "The minarets in this image are said to be a pair of dreidels, the tops enjoyed by Jewish children during Hanukkah. According to local legend, Cartman has stolen these from the Jewish character Kyle Broflovski, and plans to sell them.

"Although local Shiites who have seen South Park while in America have been known to stamp up and down and generally caterwaul at Cartman's continual anti-semitic harrassment of Kyle, his gluttony and avarice are regarded as unbefitting a warrior."

"Furthermore, they wonder why he hasn't smashed the tops." McGillycuddy added, "They wonder why Kenny dies in every episode rather than Kyle -- at Cartman's hands. And so what if Cartman once used the momentum from The Passion of the Christ to start a neo-Nazi cell? They're wondering why he spent so much time marching around and so little destroying things."

According to McGillycuddy, the idea of the prophet playing games and having his hands defiled by snow is bad enough, but the bombing "basically created a structure depicting the prophet as a fat American child who plays with Jewish toys rather than enjoying a good, wholesome caravan raid. That is, of course, beyond the pale!"

"The Shiites could care less about the mosque or even the ammunition they'd stockpiled there. They know that that the Yanks will rebuild the mosque and resupply them with weaponry. They've got their knickers in a wad about having a mosque that looks like a cartoon character peeking over a berm during a snowball fight."


Think I'm being "insensitive" in this satire of Moslem sectarian violence? Go talk to the Shiites whose response to this bombing was to go attack the nearest Sunni mosque. And if you don't think Sunnis would have behaved any differently, I can sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for a very good price.

-- CAV

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