Ask a Fellow Human

Through an entry in Word Spy, I have seen an explanation of a phenomenon that has annoyed me to no end over the years. Thanks to the explanation, I see that much of my annoyance may have been unnecessary, or at least greater than it should have been.

Have you ever been asked a question that at once seems clueless and patronizing? Have you ever innocently asked a question only to be surprised that you caused offense? Either way, this explanation may be for you, either to help you keep your patience or to keep from testing someone else's. The blog posting uses a common type of question fielded via Twitter by the organizers of a yearly convention of Doctor Who fans (aka "Gally") as a springboard. For the sake of brevity, I have shortened some of the author's points to essentials. Read the whole thing for more complete explanations.

The con[vention] has grown so much in recent years that tickets sell out quickly. In the run-up to the moment tickets went on sale this year, I saw some twittering to the official @gallifreyone account expressing worry that the system might not work well enough to purchase tickets easily.

...

[T]here are a few things going on here:

A) This was most definitely done from a place of love. ... However…

B) That concern is irrelevant. Like I said, intent only goes so far. It's great that folks care about the convention, but that doesn't make this kind of tweeting look any better from the receiving end (or to bystanders), and that's because…

C) They've already thought of it. That's their job. The people who work for Gally (or the comic store or Big Finish, etc.) think about this stuff all the time. It's what they do. If they haven't thought about it already, there are far bigger problems going on, besides…

D) At this point (mere hours before the event), it's too late to do anything about it, so you just look like a dick. If the folks in charge genuinely don't know what kind of situation they have on their hands, the appropriate time to let them know is far in advance, and preferably via some sort of private message. It's only polite. By making a public statement like this…

E) You're basically saying (publicly) that you have no faith in the organizers. You might as well just declare "You're an idiot and I do not trust you to do this thing correctly. Oh, and I am also hereby cementing my right to say 'I told you so' after the fact if something does go wrong." Yep. That's how it comes off from the outside. If I was on the receiving end, I'd be tempted to say "Okay, so you don't trust me to get it right? Maybe just stay home and skip the whole thing, how 'bout?" [link and emphasis in original, footnote indicators dropped]

I have both hastily asked questions like this -- mostly when I was young -- and have probably misjudged the intent or intelligence of others who have asked such questions of me. Of course, in modern culture, presumptuousness and cluelessness (much of it fostered by endemic context-dropping and dis-integrated thinking that often looks like it) are rampant and there may well be even less to such a question than meets the eye. In any event, I thank the author for making me better aware of the issue, both in terms of improving my ability to judge others and in terms of making sure my own advocacy never comes off this way.

-- CAV