"For the Children": The Ugly, Personal Version

Since becoming a parent, I have noticed a cultural phenomenon recently blogged by Lenore Skenazy. She calls it "Using 'That's Not Safe' to Control Others," and quotes an Australian father extensively. For example, a professed concern for safety can be used to preempt discussion among adults:

... A toddler may complain about having to eat his green beans and asks, "WHY DO I HAVE TO EAT THEM"? The parent can respond with "BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT'S WHY"! However, an adult can't say this to another adult. They instead say, "I'M RIGHT BECAUSE MY WAY IS SAFER", or "WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS DANGEROUS"! [capitalization in original]

I have personally been harassed by complete strangers on such a basis. And I would say that any parent who gives in is providing us with a prime example of what Ayn Rand called "sanction of the victim." I would guess that many, if not most parents push back because they know that they have weighed the risks and benefits of whatever they are doing.

Unfortunately, the meddlesome often don't stop there. The above was just the first item of a list. The second is worrisome: Law enforcement and other people in authority are often manipulated to put such words into action, as happened when a parent was thrown out of a sports event because she hadn't dressed her children up like Arctic explorers. (Cold weather is a favorite excuse.)

In one sense, this is nothing new. All kinds of things, from theft to censorship are promoted by politicians "for the children." But these have usually been such measures as welfare programs or regulations that, while wrong, probably most people do not find intrusive on such a personal level.

It disturbs me that so many people these days feel so comfortable attempting to boss others around personally. However, this kind of behavior doesn't go unnoticed, and that is a silver lining: Such intrusions represent an opportunity to speak up about the use of altruism as a blanket excuse to override the thinking of others. This behavior is becoming common, but it isn't going unnoticed and it isn't going over well, to say the least. This can be a golden opportunity, for just one example, to openly discuss the difference between altruism and actually caring for someone you love.

-- CAV