The Fight Goes On
Monday, January 20, 2020
I am home with my kids for the holiday and find myself ambivalent about the fact that my first-grade son learned about it when he did at school.
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| Image by Ebony Magazine, from National Archives via Wikipedia, public domain. |
Based on past reading, I am pretty sure that most children that young aren't aware of race, either, and my general plan for addressing this issue was to tackle it as I thought I needed whenever it eventually came up. In other words, I wanted, as far as possible, for my son to remain innocent on this matter for as long as possible, and to experience himself and other children as individuals, and not as members of collectives. (Of course, an important part of this for me is being ready to discuss the matter in a way he can understand if circumstances dictate. Maybe I have to start earlier than I had hoped.)
"He taught white people and black people to get along." The intention is good, but ... this was the first time he ever used the term "black" to describe anyone: Before then, if skin hue factored in to how he described someone, he'd use terms like "pink," "white," and "brown." I had hoped he could continue to treat such attributes properly -- as noticeable, but accidental -- for a little bit longer, so as not to pollute his mind so early with the idea of classifying people into groups based on them.
And maybe he still can. Time will tell, and I know to keep an ear out in the future.
But on top of that, I am also not sure that much of what went on then would make sense to a child. (And that's even after glossing over the ugliness and brutality that occurred due to racism.) There are ways to essentialize and simplify, but I don't trust many people to do that well.
In sum, I think in normal circumstances, children haven't yet acquired sufficient knowledge or developed a matrix of concepts necessary to understand the full significance of the holiday.
But maybe I am being pessimistic. You can say that about all of the holidays.
Perhaps something like, "Martin Luther King helped us learn to treat each other fairly, no matter what we happen to look like," is the way to start. As I write, that's how I think I will frame the issue, should it come up. The positive lesson is bigger and more important than race, anyway.
-- CAV
6 comments:
Do you live where it is possible to maintain that kind of innocence, though? I didn't, when I was a child. If you left the house, which we did, you'd see evidence of discrimination and also language and cultural difference, as there were a lot of immigrants from places other than Europe. It was also something that came up in books borrowed from the library. I remember an argument with my father when I was very small, we were watching a famous black singer on tv and he said she was beautiful, and I said she could not be because only blonds were, as I knew from reading illustrated fairy tales. This was really early on. By fourth grade everyone was *well* aware of what the hierarchies were, especially since there were a lot of Spanish speakers at school who were Native Americans and whose parents were all manual workers, and that the other Spanish speakers did not consider equal, nor the Anglos. We were of course all taught to treat *each other* as "equals" but it was plain to see that society was not. Do you just keep your kids in one neighborhood to keep them from finding out, or what?
Also. I, too, learned about MLK in first grade. I was 5 and he was living and it was important. I also learned we were sending advisors to Viet Nam and that this was problematic. I learned a lot of things. I was interested in the world and glad to hear about it.
Z.,
You raise good points, and no, were we in a situation similar to the kind you speak of, I am not sure I would have the luxury of being able to put off discussing racial prejudice. Fortunately, we have lived in racially non-homogeneous areas that, as far as I can tell, are not rife with the tension you describe. And if I can spare my children that nonsense until they are better able to understand it, I want to.
This doesn't mean I plan to leave them in the dark or turn them into Pollyannas. (e.g., Yes. Some cultures are dysfunctional.) Given the intellectual state of our culture, they will get plenty of exposure to racism, including some wildly wrong reactions to it/"remedies" to it; and I am sure they will get plain old bigotry sooner or later, too. My plan is to help them understand that it is wrong. And I think that will be easier if they haven't been desensitized to it.
Gus
So - you're from money? Or are you home schooling or something? Because even now things are obvious from early on. Black kids get suspended from school more, for instance, and that starts at the beginning. I don't understand your logic -- you are going to tell them the world is color blind so they don't get "desensitized," then preach? Kids "don't see race" but at the same time need not to get "desensitized" to bigotry?
Also -- you're in a multiracial neighborhood that is of one social class, apparently. Adults socialize in multiracial groups and the topic never comes up because nobody has ever had a problem at work, etc. So there is no risk of children overhearing anything. But do you ever take your kids anywhere else? We went lots of places...
Z.,
I'm not "from money," but that is beside the point.
You are putting words into my my mouth: The last thing on earth I am doing is telling my kids "the world" is "color blind."
There are lots of terrible things in the world, and yes, sometimes they happen to, or affect children. That doesn't mean all these things need explaining at an early age (much less in lurid detail) or experienced.
A good example that has nothing to do with race is the whole notion of consent. A leftist I know thunders the word "Consent" at his kids any time they seem like they might violate the personal space of another kid. This is ridiculous, and for his kids, wildly age-inappropriate. What does "consent" even mean to a five year old? Why not start with basics, like correcting them when they behave inappropriately and helping them develop a sense of respecting personal space. ("You don't like it when Pat pushes you aside, and you shouldn't push him, either.") Or, for another example, you make it clear that it is very wrong for just anybody to see them naked, and that they need to let you know if that ever happens.
There is a a tightrope to walk with all of these things. You need to give them enough information to get by in the situations they are likely to encounter and seek help in those that are dangerous, but not so much as to frighten or confuse them unnecessarily. So yes, I have been lucky to live in places where race is not a big issue. I will take advantage of that good fortune as best as I can.
So sure, sooner or later, someone is going to be a bigot around my kids. It is bound to happen plenty of times, and I will make it clear that it is wrong, and why it is wrong.
I will close with a great quote from the nun who was my youngest brother's first grade teacher, "There are good white people and bad white people, and there are good black people and bad black people." She did have to deal with kids being taught this garbage at home, and I think her response -- in addition to keeping an eye out for racial bullying -- was perfect and age-appropriate.
Gus
Z.,
The below might help you understand my thinking better.
My father once told me how his father disciplined him as a child. It would be regarded as as child abuse today, and was harsh even by the standards of the time. He decided he would never do this to any children he would have, and he did not.
I do not find my experience or preparation for life wanting in any respect because of his decision.
Gus
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