Toddlers vs. Head Space

This Carolyn Hax piece is from just before the pandemic really kicked in and I have broached the topic of toddler distraction before. But I still think it's worthwhile to point to it.

Why?

Because it includes perhaps the best succinct description of why so many adults find taking care of young children difficult. This is particularly for knowledge workers and people like me who enjoy spending time with our own thoughts. The quote below is the relevant part of her reply to a breadwinner in a family in which the other parent is home full-time with their children and wants a break as soon as the other gets home from work.

I remember well back in our St. Louis days being desperate for some time -- any time away from the kids -- whenever Mrs. Van Horn got home. They were two years apart and we left Missouri when my son, the younger one, was two.

Cute, but relentless... (Image by Nathan Dumlao, via Unsplash, license.)

In my experience, the thing you see consistently in the home-with-kids vs. at-an-office reality is that the home version is just relentless. Even people who have relentless jobs can take a scheduled break, or give lunch their undivided attention and speak in complete sentences. You are dealing with difficult people, which is legitimately draining and may be a wash with trying to manage people who scream when they can't wear their lucky socks. In the end, though, what you have is this: You are in charge of your head space to a degree no on-duty parent of littles can be. [bold added]

Head space: What a great phrase!

I think that situation is indeed one of the the biggest sources of misunderstanding between spouses with this kind of arrangement. It may perhaps be less so after the pandemic, with so many people trying to work with their children around, but it will never quite go away.

This description may be a good one to remember for parents on both sides of this situation, or for those who know them.

-- CAV