Mending Fences at Work

I no longer recall exactly how I came across this post at Ask a Manager, but I liked it enough to bookmark it.

Explaining that is easy: It reminded me of a personality type that used to give me trouble, and the advice was spot-on.

I'll pass it along for the sake of any passer-by who is in the unpleasant circumstance of having a non-boss coworker who constantly tries to issue orders and who starts arguments for ridiculous reasons. You'll have to go the post for specific examples of the advice, but Green gives a good general explanation for why it will work:

These make good co-workers, too. (Image by André Bandarra, via Unsplash, license.)

[Y]our responses should all be in the spirit of what's above ... in other words, erecting a very clear boundary that you're not allowing her to cross. Note, too, that these statements refuse to engage with her in the way she wants. She thinks it's appropriate to expect you to explain to her why you're not doing things her way, but in fact you owe her no such explanation. So don't explain your actions, and don't try to convince her. Simply assert appropriate boundaries and stick to them.

Green also supplies tips for any escalation that might be necessary, including nicely addressing the etiquette problem such people pose:

You might feel rude about this, but keep in mind that she's the one being rude -- not you. By behaving inappropriately, she's forcing you to be more blunt than you'd need to with a normal person. She's the one setting up that dynamic, not you, so don't feel that you're being rude in pushing back; your responses will be the polite way of dealing with a boundary violator without letting them win.

Having been raised in the South, I was taught to be polite. That is usually, but not always, an advantage -- especially when one is young or inexperienced, and might not recognize a situation in which following etiquette can be tricky, if it can be followed at all.

-- CAV