Warm Fuzzy Idea, or Troublesome Tribble?

At Ask a Manager, Alison Green tackled a question about something that sounded like an innocuous way to boost morale, but in fact achieved the opposite effect:

This bit of sci-fi lore is going to help me remmeber to be more curious in the future. (Image by Stilfehler, via Wikimedia Commons, license.)

So yeah, kill the [birthday] cards. Explain to Diana that while she intended it as a morale-boosting effort, it's ended up having the opposite effect on the people who were missed, and that you hadn't accounted for how much time it would take to organize and get signatures, and that your own boss wants it stopped for those reasons. If she says she doesn't mind spending the time on it, you should say, "I appreciate that, but given that it's turned out be more than a few minutes here and there, it's not something I want you spending your time on anymore." If she continues to push: "I appreciate where you were coming from -- it was a kind idea -- but it's causing too much disruption and my and Jane's decision is to stop it."

If Diana says again that she'll do it on her breaks instead ... well, she's missing the point! You'd need to respond with, "People have the impression that this is an office-sponsored activity, it's causing drama, and you cannot do it at work anymore. If you choose to give cards outside of work, this history means that it's highly likely to still be perceived as something 'from' the office and lead to more hurt feelings, which would make it a work issue, so I certainly hope you will have the judgment not to continue."

The workplace is, of course, not the only place one encounters well-intentioned efforts that are or cause much more trouble than they appear to be worth.

One that snuck up on me as a young parent was toys as gifts. Early on, I was bemused when, taking one of the kids to a birthday party, there was sometimes a request that guests not bring gifts.

A few years later, while getting ready for a move, I remembered those wise requests with jealousy while I made an incredible number of toy donations to charity just to thin things out a little.

One of my sisters-in-law headed off another common one of this kind of idea: hand-me-down baby clothes, by stating up front: We don't have room to store a lot of extra clothes. My wife tried that for a bit, but the logistics were a nightmare. It was impossible to keep up and, as soon as I learned that our across-the-street neighbor collected clothes as a charity, that backlog disappeared and we opted out.

The solution to such problems is always the same: Be clear about what the problem is, and be firm about boundaries. The hard part is that it's easy to be blindsided: Who doesn't like being remembered on their birthday? Kids love toys. Free clothes can save time and money.

One unexpected lesson I got here is to be braver and more creative when I encounter an odd practice, like that no toys rule. One can ask without prying, and the answer is bound to be interesting or even, I suspect, instructive.

-- CAV