A Corollary to Your Body, Your Rules

Sometimes, people in romantic relationships make (or are considering) changes to their appearance and worry about how it might affect the significant other. Naturally, some of them send letters to advice columnists or post questions on discussion boards.

These questions can range all the way from the relatively minor (changing hair color), through major (getting a tattoo), all the way to the drastic (gender reassignment).

On the forums, it's not unusual to hear some variant of Your body, your rules! (often, as if how the change might affect the relationship has little or no bearing) or Your actions, your consequences (often again, as if being in a relationship involves a vow to become a doormat).

For examples, see the first link, where an advice columnist shares samples of the "equally divided" reader responses to advice she gave to a woman who wanted to stop dyeing her hair. The columnist's answer was a reasonable attempt to account for the fact that both "sides" grasp part of the truth.

I'd say that both answers are correct and contextualize each other. It is your body, but you share a relationship, and the change could take some getting used to or even, as in the last example, potentially end or drastically change the character of the relationship. (When I read columns that answer these, there is usually some attempt to cover both of these aspects of the change.)

Good communication and knowing what you want is key for both parties, however consequential the proposed change might be.

-- CAV

P.S. For the record, my wife, who is a few years younger than me (but greying faster) once mooted the idea of "going grey" over dinner. I told her I was okay with it, but our son, who was ten at the time, got upset enough at the idea that she decided against it.

Also, I'm glad we both hate tattoos.