Unsolicited Advice Can Backfire

Miss Manners takes a question from someone wondering whether to warn someone against leaving her purse unattended for more than a few seconds while shopping.

I agree with the gist of the answer -- that it's usually rude to tell others how to behave, but fine to share information. (I part ways on using a fiction: Either you know of a hazard or not, and if you don't you're just offering unsolicited advice.)

But the format of the reply where I read it caused me to think more of a reply was needed. The questioner admitted:

... I turned into an aisle at the grocery store and there was a cart at the other end of the aisle with a purse sitting in the toddler seat. I stopped and waited for about three minutes before a woman came around the corner, put an item in the cart and moved along...

I'd personally wonder why someone was hovering over my things if I were that woman. I thought that needed addressing, until I scrolled down a bit more, and saw that that was implicitly covered by the rest of the answer:

Just do not be surprised that, when you do say something, the immediate reaction will be to clutch the purse and look at you as if you are a robber.

I hazard to guess that, nine times out of ten, people who do this are in familiar surroundings and find the risk of theft acceptably low. The rest won't have done such thinking and are quite likely to wonder why the possibility of theft is coming up at all, and so will be suspicious.

I would add: Hope that the purse wasn't pawed through before you arrived at the scene, Batman.

As one who usually finds unsolicited advice annoying, it amuses me to realize that it can backfire so spectacularly.

Kudos to the letter writer for having the sense and the good grace to ask that question.

-- CAV