Taking Pet Adoption Seriously ...
Thursday, July 16, 2026
... sometimes means not adopting at all.
A couple of advice columns dealing with pets reminded me of the time one of my brothers broke up with a girlfriend decades ago.
The straw that broke that camel's back: She came home with two yippy dogs without having consulted him about it.
I am not a dog person. I was sympathetic then, but it took me time to appreciate what a good move this was on his part. That wisdom has nothing to do with my preferences regarding dogs and I would go so far as to say that anyone who seriously appreciates dogs should agree with me.
Why?
Because some pets -- off the top of my head: anything dangerous, high-maintenance past a certain point, or large enough to have the run of the house -- inherently affect the daily life of the members of a household enough that everyone in the household deserves a say before making such a commitment. I can even see the argument that such pets demand a degree of commitment that is comparable enough to a human relationship that whether to adopt one is a major life decision.
Two advice columnists bear this out. In one case, a woman who works in an animal shelter has brought home so many dogs it is beginning to make her family's home life unbearable despite the fact that they all like dogs. In another case, one partner in a dog-loving couple appreciated that a new pet would not work for them at this time in their lives -- but her partner went ahead and brought home a dog, anyway:
Fast-forward: Butch is a sweet, loving pup. I adore him, but he's a ton of work. My fiancé is back in school and working so he's not happy stopping multiple times a day to take Butch out for air and exercise as the dog is an active breed. He does it, but some days are stressful for us both.Both columnists correctly advise their readers that finding a new home for a pet can be the best option, including being an improvement for the pet itself.
Abby, I resent him for this. We're both overloaded and now have another full-time responsibility plus extra bills. We love Butch but are overwhelmed. I would be miserable giving him away, which is what my fiancé now suggests.
In each letter, it is clear that the writer sees the pet as part of the family and cares for it, which underscores that bringing a pet into one's home is a serious decision. (And conversely, when someone unilaterally does this, it is a red flag.)
On top of my positive point, the cultural baggage of altruism can make this harder than it needs to be: The pet needs a home. Lots of people will deem protecting one's own time and sanity, rather than sacrificing it to an unwanted pet, as "heartless," for example. Such ideas can lead to a bad decision motivated by inappropriate guilt or unwarranted pressure from others.
The discussion about whether to adopt a pet isn't the time for martyrdom, or giving in to an out-of-context desire to help an animal, or appeasing the rest of the family in the moment. Any such discussion has to be made with everyone's best interests in mind, especially those of the caregivers.
If someone truly cares for animals, they will not adopt one on a whim.
-- CAV
2 comments:
Yo, Gus, we got a dog a year and a half ago--and that was a bit of a comedy of errors. My stepson wanted a puppy, and he and my wife discussed it at length. A couple days later he called that he'd found one he wanted. However, that was the one day my wife left home without her phone, so it was up to me to decide. He swore she'd agreed, so I went and paid for the mutt, and we gave my wife a real surprise, because she hadn't agreed. However, I only agreed in the first place because I work at home, we have a vestibule that's now his individual room, and we have a river a block away to walk him, and of course I've become the one to take care of him the most. Still, he's the greatest pooch ever (as someone once said, all dog owners claim their dog is the best, and none of them is ever wrong): He earned a place in the family after he chased off an unaccompanied dog four times his size when he was only four months old. (I suspect the other dog was a watchdog from one of the universities on our block out on a stroll who didn't want any trouble, but still...) Besides driving off unfamiliar dogs twice since then, he also woke up the neighbors several months ago by barking when he smelled smoke, which allowed them to stop the fire before it caused any damage, so he's earned his keep. (He's a Dalmatian, so after that my wife said, "I guess he really is a fire dog.") However, it was only relatively recently we were in a situation to keep him; if my stepson had asked a few years ago, he would have gotten a firm no from both me and my wife, because none of us would have been happy then, including the dog.
I'm glad that turned out well for all concerned. Those things can happen, and knowing you, I am confident that if things hadn't worked out so well, you wouldn't have had any kind of a mental block against the whole idea of finding a good home for him.
My family made the mistake of adopting a high-strung Irish Setter when I was young, and, while my brother and I had fun with the dog at the time, we were glad to learn that her new family had a huge yard in the country for her play around in and work off some of that energy.
Post a Comment