Taking the Guessing out of Etiquette

Aside from the good advice, one of the things I like best about Miss Manners is how well she cuts through the fog to identify an issue, and then communicates that issue and the attendant etiquette effectively.

A good example of this is her reply to a self-proclaimed "accent nerd" who wonders if there is a polite way to ask someone Where are you from?

(I can both cringe and imagine a younger version of myself doing something like this.)

There are, of course, numerous contexts within an existing conversation in which that sort of question is a natural and good part of the flow. But also, in today's ridiculous, politics-saturated culture, it could be easy to get sidetracked. Both facts make this a tricky question, but Miss Manners explains quite well why it's a bad lead for the questioner, concluding as follows:

There are less intrusive ways to get to know people, but you have led Miss Manners to believe that friendship, or even acquaintanceship, is not your objective; rather, it is playing your little guessing game. Please stop.

Ouch!

She builds up to this well, but the sting will serve the good purpose here of advising how best to treat other people like human beings, and alerting the innocent of how easy it can be to send the wrong message about themselves.

-- CAV