Remind me to read The Onion ...

... the next time I need an idea for a grant.

From The Onion, a shade over three years ago. (I love the headline: "Bacon Good for You, Reports Best Scientist Ever".)

ROCHESTER, MN -- Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.

From today's news:

COLUMBIA, Mo., March 27 - Heart-healthy bacon, an ostensible contradiction in terms, might one day be a reality thanks to researchers here who have created transgenic pigs with meat that contains high levels of omega-3 fatty acids.

"These levels are higher than what you would get if you fed pigs high levels of omega-3 fatty acids," said Randall Prather, Ph.D., of the University of Missouri-Columbia in an interview.

It used to be that you went to Mad Magazine. for such predictions. Adapt or perish!

-- CAV