Afraid to Share With Friends?
Wednesday, March 06, 2019
Over at FiveThirtyEight is an interesting new poll. Its title? "Tell Us The Political Belief You're Scared To Share With Friends."
I am personally having a hard time thinking of anything for myself, but I'm middle-aged and am of the mind that I probably would not want to be "friends" with someone who would write me off or retaliate against me over one of my political positions. Although I don't advertise my politics, I do not hide them, either. If I think someone is a friend, I will have no trouble discussing politics with that person, even if I disagree. And I like to think I have a good grasp of which settings are good for such conversations and which aren't.We want to know about the political opinion you're most nervous about sharing with otherwise like-minded people. What's the closely held belief you don't talk about in social settings, because you're worried how it will go against the grain? Is it who you voted for in the last election? How you feel about socialism? Do you think gerrymandering isn't so bad? Does your stance on abortion fall outside the mainstream belief of your friend group?
Image by vivienviv0, via Pixabay, license.
That said, I would definitely be on guard against discussing just anything any time with not-so-close friends, casual acquaintances, or (particularly) coworkers. There are plenty of people out there who become confused or emotional enough about political topics that it is pointless and very unpleasant to discuss them -- and a very few of these will have no problem making life difficult for someone they disagree with, if they see a chance to do so.
The only way, off the top of my head, that I can wrap my mind around such a question is that this might be a problem for the young, who lack self-confidence or experience with discussing contentious issues, or people living somewhere in which the overwhelming majority have very different beliefs, such as a non-leftist living in a very blue city or a secularist residing in a rural part of the Bible Belt. But even then... I'd be something of an outcast in either area, and am not sure there would be many people I could count as friends. I could see that. I could imagine having, among my small circle of friends in such a place someone who might feel freer than I would like about broadcasting my political beliefs to non-friends. In such a case, that might depend on where I am and which friend(s) I am with. Perhaps this is what they are after.
At any rate, it will be interesting to see what, if anything, comes from this poll.
-- CAV
5 comments:
I also find it difficult to think of anything. There are people I'm not interested in DISCUSSING the issue with, sure.
Hi Gus,
Hi Gus,
I have a friend that recently moved away from the Intermountain West to a suburb north of Detroit. I exchanged email with him a few weeks ago. He said that the union 'ethic' there is so strong that he doesn't dare speak his mind on the topic for fear of having his vehicle damaged or his tires slashed. (He works in the research depart for a company that supplies certain materials to the automotive industry.) And this is not just at work, but almost every social situation he encounters.
I myself don't discuss politics or religion with any of my customers. IIRC, that used the norm when one entered polite company.
c andrew
Jenn,
Exactly. With such people, a brief expression of disagreement and, if warranted, something like, "That's rude." is all that is warranted or worth the time.
C.,
Thanks for the concrete example. I, too would be guarded about who heard my actual opinions in such circumstances. This would definitely be a case of loose lips sinking ships, though.
In either case -- someone you're stuck dealing with (like an uncle at a family reunion) or someone who "argues" with the open knowledge that there is a threat against dissenters -- the best thing to do is make the topic boring around that person. At least you can save time or reduce the negative impact such a person can have while they're around.
Gus
I think that if someone is making threats against people who disagree with them--not just name callings, but things like "and people like that should be raped in prison!" (pardon the graphic example), that's the time to stand up and absolutely BLAST that person. You don't have to yell. You don't have to raise your voice. Judith Martin (Miss Manners) gives an example of a way to do it, to say in an utterly cold voice "I can't believe that you actually think such a thing." Pause for a moment, then turn to another person and definitively introduce a completely different topic.
I think that if you want to have civil discussions you absolutely have to have a zero-tolerance policy for the injection of violent rhetoric.
Jenn,
That's a good point, and something you can do when someone makes or strongly-enough intimates a threat, but I suspect that C.'s friend probably learned about the problem outside such a context.
Gus
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