In Memoriam

I recently learned that the man who introduced me to Ayn Rand has died. Below, I review my memories of that time, and acknowledge a profound debt.

***

About forty years ago, a college freshman from Mississippi encountered a response to a letter-to-the-editor in the student newspaper. I don't remember much of that letter, but the following phrase remains etched in my memory to this day: "a philosophy that teaches atheism and selfishness as virtues." This the author followed with words to the effect of cannot possibly be profound.

I was attending a small, Catholic, liberal arts university, but I had already stopped giving religion the benefit of the doubt I'd been giving it for the past few years.

I hadn't outright rejected religion earlier because I had been well aware of my home state's low position on the academic totem pole, and because I knew plenty of adults who did not know or care enough to think deeply about the kind of issues religion is supposed to deal with.

They're saying faith is the foundation because the truth is complicated, I thought before I left home for college. They'll be able to explain this in college.

They never did.

It was faith all the way down, and with some sadness, I concluded that the knowledge I wanted did not lie in religion. The sadness was due to the benevolence of my personal conception of god, which was at odds with what I was being taught, to say the least. Facing the truth about religion was a little bit like losing a friend.

(As for what I was being taught, here's an example: The whole idea that a deity could create countless human beings only to condemn them to eternal suffering for not taking his existence on faith was sickening and alien to me. It disturbed me that people could believe this, or would want to.)

And so the letter piqued my interest for two reasons: (1) My thinking had only gotten as far as agnosticism, so I was curious about how someone could get to a solid conclusion on what I then thought to be a difficult question. (2) I had not gotten anywhere close to questioning altruism. As most people do, I pretty much equated it with morality.

I was skeptical of the atheism and floored by the idea that selfishness could be a virtue. I had to see this, if for no other reason than to satisfy my curiosity and poke the kind of holes I was finding everywhere else.

The reply turned out to be to a letter written by someone whose surname was distinctive enough that I realized he often wrote letters-to-the-editor. (The one in question was his review of The Name of the Rose.) The distinctive surname helped me quickly learn that he lived in my dorm, only a few doors down.

I sought out the author, one Tom Miovas, and asked about these letters. I no longer recall the details of that initial discussion, but I left with his copy of Philosophy: Who Needs It, and devoured it.

Ayn Rand was unlike anyone else I had ever read. She combined strong arguments with a passion completely lacking in other philosophers I'd encountered. The passion both raised my hackles and intrigued me, motivating me to proceed, but carefully. I had lots of questions, which either Tom or further reading would usually resolve.

Within the next few months, I eventually read all the nonfiction and then the fiction that was generally available in those days. There was a local Objectivism club that I'd sometimes attend with Tom, where I met other Objectivists, including a couple of others I still count as friends.

Tom and I overlapped at college for two years, and I left for the Navy soon after I graduated. Although we were never especially close, we maintained sporadic contact over the years. I still have his well-worn copy of Atlas Shrugged, which he gave me as a parting gift.

While it is possible I would have eventually found Ayn Rand on my own, it would have been in spite of the fact (!) that I was in college. Several faculty members attempted to diminish or discredit Rand, in the form of smears Isn't she a fascist? or claims that her teachings were compatible with Catholicism or by handing me clippings of material from her detractors. (That they never addressed what she had to say was not lost on me.) I am grateful to Tom for getting the word out, and helping me engage with the material on my own terms.

The nature of my debt and my gratitude are best captured by Ayn Rand herself in the following passage from the title essay of Philosophy: Who Needs It, the very first thing by Rand that I ever read:

Philosophy studies the fundamental nature of existence, of man, and of man's relationship to existence. As against the special sciences, which deal only with particular aspects, philosophy deals with those aspects of the universe which pertain to everything that exists. In the realm of cognition, the special sciences are the trees, but philosophy is the soil which makes the forest possible.

Philosophy would not tell you, for instance, whether you are in New York City or in Zanzibar (though it would give you the means to find out). But here is what it would tell you: Are you in a universe which is ruled by natural laws and, therefore, is stable, firm, absolute -- and knowable? Or are you in an incomprehensible chaos, a realm of inexplicable miracles, an unpredictable, unknowable flux, which your mind is impotent to grasp? Are the things you see around you real -- or are they only an illusion? Do they exist independent of any observer -- or are they created by the observer? Are they the object or the subject of man's consciousness? Are they what they are -- or can they be changed by a mere act of your consciousness, such as a wish?

The nature of your actions -- and of your ambition -- will be different, according to which set of answers you come to accept...

Philosophy -- the discipline I didn't know I was looking for when I was questioning religion -- is indeed the means to find out what one should do and why, and Ayn Rand's philosophy has helped me do exactly that daily in my life ever since.

It is no exaggeration to say that Tom succeeded in helping me find the thing I wanted and needed the most when I went to college.

That's what college is for.

Thank you, Tom, for helping me complete my education, and may you rest in peace.

-- CAV