Flip That Nosy Question Around for Them

Judith Martin takes a question from a teetotaler who's loathe to explain himself to all comers to begin with, and tired of fielding questions about his abstinence at social gatherings besides:

I won't even have one drink -- and have found it quite rude of people to question why. There are so many potential reasons why people choose not to drink! I feel like I have to explain myself, and I am sick of it. How do I properly address this issue?

Miss Manners replies with her usual witty aplomb:

Not by explaining yourself -- nor by making up excuses. The question is not only intrusive but silly, as it presumes that alcohol is such a staple of life that a special exemption is needed.

But as you keep socializing with people who believe otherwise, Miss Manners suggests that you treat this as the opening of a two-sided conversation. It is always tactful to show an interest in the other person. So you could say, with a pleasant show of interest, "What about you? Tell me -- why do you drink?"

I must confess to being unsure Martin intends the advice to be taken literally, at least all the time. I can imagine it backfiring at a work function, for example, and I can see being able to imagine such a conversation in the moment to lend perspective or even amusement to the situation.

Nevertheless, as a variant of return awkward to sender, it can be a viable option, and not just confined to that particular personal choice.

I know that I'll have this one in my quiver for the next time someone tries to foist religion on me, which is always a possibility in the mysti-holic part of the country in which I reside.

-- CAV